Have you ever really listened to the things you say to yourself about yourself? If you have, on a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your level of kindness?
Self-talk is a BIG subject, but when it comes to changing it, some of the most common approaches that come up in conversations and Google searches are writing, listening to, and/or saying affirmations.
While those general concepts are great, for a variety of reasons many people find themselves frustrated and feeling like they work for everyone except them. If you find yourself in that struggle, give these affirmation approaches a try:
Approach 1: Define/figure out a feeling, quality, behavior, goal that’s closer to where you are right now and affirm that instead of the BIG goal that you want. Even if that means affirming the next steps that you're taking towards the BIG thing.
So often, what we really really want feels so far from where we are in the moment that it can feel virtually impossible to attain. If your current affirmation is along the lines of, “I love myself completely,” but you're having a hard time believing it because most of your self talk and beliefs send a message of unworthiness or doubt - switch it up! Try saying and thinking something along the lines of, “I am friendly to myself.”
Being friendlier to yourself is a much easier ask because it doesn't seem as lofty. Plus, throughout life, most people have had to be friendly to someone (or many "ones") who they don't necessarily gel with. The smaller gap of leaning into friendliness over unbridled love (coupled with previous life experiences) makes being friendly to yourself more attainable and manageable.
Approach 2: Use affirmations and phrases that start with “I’m the kind of person who…”
Anytime you do things or have experiences that are in alignment with this statement, tell yourself: “Oh, that’s normal for me!” or “That’s normal for me because I’m the kind of person who ____.” It doesn't matter if the situation is big or small. By affirming yourself in this way, your brain starts to notice all the times that support your statement. That support is how you start to prove yourself right, that you are that type of person because it becomes a self-fulfilling mantra.
But, what about when you do something or have an experience that’s not in alignment with who you want to be? Instead of beating yourself up and thinking, "I knew this would happen" or "I don't know why I bother" - switch it up! Tell yourself, “Oh, that’s weird. That’s really out of character for me.” Doing this affirms the version of you that you're becoming no matter how you feel in the moment.
Approach 3: Create "IF"firmations instead.
Simply adding “what if” in front of your affirmations opens up space in your mind to see it as attainable for you vs shutting it down because it seems impossible to achieve.
Our minds LOVE to be right - especially when it comes to framing who we are. The kicker is, our minds need proof to believe what we feel about ourselves. Adding "what if" into the mix allows your mind to reframe what is possible in a way that proves that "this" is who you are and who you are becoming.
By approaching self affirmations in these ways, you’re giving yourself not only more manageable ways to success (approaches 1 & 3), but evidence that you are in fact the person you want to be, right now (approach 2).
